Love is a matter of chemistry — sex is a matter of physics.
Let’s face the facts of life — sex and sexuality are a natural part of life. It’s talked about, analyzed, promoted and a subject of curiosity for everyone from anthropologists to zoologists. It is a basic human need and drive, something that greets you when you first wake up in the morning and inhabits your dreams at night. Thanks to the Internet, gone are the days of the plain brown wrapper and sex as a hidden and inaccessible subject. Sex is open and out there, a subject of pride and bragging rights, and only a few mouse clicks away. Sex is natural and fun, but can also be a source of anxiety, concern, and unrealistic expectations.
If the brain is the largest sexual organ, then how we think about sex is what drives its place in our lives. Not every gay man thinks about sex in the same way. Some may treat it as a recreational sport, a symbol of commitment, or a means of meeting needs like closeness and avoiding loneliness. What constitutes great sex also varies among individuals. Not everybody is turned on by the same sexual acts, and not every body part has to come into play. Knowing your body, your pleasures and your limits is all a part of what makes for good sexual experiences.
Regardless of your age or level of sexual experience, health remains a major concern for gay men. Sexual responsibility should never be overshadowed by reckless sexual decisions. Advances have been made in the treatment of HIV, but knowledge and protection remain the best defense against infection. Concerns about prowess and performance can raise anxiety and lower sexual enjoyment.
Sexuality is not a finite point on a scale that remains exactly the same throughout life. As men age, along with physical changes and adjustments to sexual drive and desire, in some instances there is a broadening of sexual curiosity. Sometimes referred to as “sexual investigation” some men become curious about same-sex encounters later in life and begin to explore that part of their sexual selves. If male/male sexual experiences are new to you, then education, information, and support become vital resource needs.
Being able to talk openly and honestly with someone about your sexual interests and concerns — where the focus is to talk about sex and not to engage in it — can be an important first step to improved sexual experiences. Sex is not what defines us, but it certainly can be what enhances us.